I weighed myself the other night. 208. WHAAAAT? Just a year ago, I weighed between 185 and 190. That is 25 pounds in one year. Yikes!
And what have I done differently? Granted, I have a lot of stress in my life. A lot.
The reason I wanted to do this blog is to explore why I do what I do. Why I don't like to be heavy, but I can rationalize to myself that I can have all the junk food that I want. I work out so much, and I like to work hard, but then I have two bowls of ice cream. (Incidentally, I want two bowls of ice cream now.)
Why do I work so hard and then throw it all away because I have to have a treat?
I am obsessed with food. I feel deprived if I can't have whatever I want (or whatever anyone else is having). I think about what I will have, what treat I'll make next, or what I can eat all day long, even if I am not hungry at all.
I am an emotional eater. Not like I eat when I am depressed or something, but that I eat to feel good. I love food.
Yet I want to be healthy. I want to have a fit body. Even my patriarchal blessing talks about taking good care of my body. Good nutrition and health. That is the Lord's counsel to me. Why do I have such a hard time with that?
I want to understand myself. I want to beat back this demon. I want to be free of addiction and obsession. That is why I am doing this blog. I learn as I write and think and put things "out there." So here I am.
There is another aspect that I also want to explore--confession.
Do I need to confess (or be accountable) in this area of my life? Perhaps. So here I am.
This is for me and no one else--that is not meant to be selfish, but maybe it is self-serving. In a good way.